I know you don’t doubt who I am and what I stand for on a poker table but this week I have been on ancestry websites looking at my roots (all you Australians reading this, I don’t mean it that way). Welcome to who do you think you are with Tony G!

I read this week that a website has suggested that Barack Obama could be related to Sarah Palin and that Vlad the Impaler, who they say was the inspiration for Dracula, could be related to Twilight actor Robert Pattinson.

My enquiries have found that I could well be a distant relative of Vlad the Impaler too – can’t you see the similarity? He impales and I impale too. The difference is he may have devoured necks and I bite heads off clean.

Could I have sired America’s top teen actor?

I kept searching around for possible relatives – Warren G, the BFG, the Bee Gees – none of them came up. It does seem, however, that I could be related to millions of people. We’re all related – you and me baby we are nothing but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel.

Could Durrr be related to Pee Wee Herman? Could I have sired of one of America’s top teen actors? There’s discussions in the forums and everybody knows who that is. Anything is possible I suppose.

Life is full of surprises – until this weekend I admired the manliness of Mick Jagger – he was the big boy of rock and roll but following Keith Richards revelations I now think differently of the Rolling Stone… or is that Pebble?

You know where my fascination came with investigating the family tree? Indeed, it is the impeccable blood lines of my faithful gladiator and protector Zasko. Could Zasko be related to the Littlest Hobo or Jerry Lewis from K9?

Actually I suspect he is related to:

  1. Clipper, former US President John F Kennedy’s dog. This faithful German Shepherd was a strong protector of Jackie. When asked by the press what Clipper liked to eat, she replied, “reporters.” When I asked Zasko what he liked to eat he said: “A Phil Hellmuth sandwich (plenty of meat), with a dash of Ralph Perry in a thick Russian sauce.”
  2. Major was Franklin D. Roosevelt’s dog. This famous German Shepherd actually ripped the pants off of Ramsay MacDonald, the British Prime Minister. Zasko hasn’t been trained to rip pants yet but he scares the pants off every one of my opponents. Remember, my dog will own you – it runs in the family.

I leave you with an ode to Zasko:

The German Shepherd Dog

The stately German Shepherd
Protective, bold and smart,
Looked into my eyes one day
And quickly stole my heart.

Courageous and endearing,
A favorite of its breed,
So proud and yet so loving,
A steadfast friend indeed.

Caring disposition,
Faithful to the core-
If you have a Shepherd’s love,
You cannot want for more.

~Unknown

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