Tony G vs Isildur1: $50k added prize money if he agrees to a rematch

Ladies and gentleman! Elvis has left the building! In fact, I am wrong as Elvis is alive and serving drinks and food in a box at the Melbourne Cricket Ground as Australia’s one day side beat England at cricket as this picture shows. If poker and business go wrong for me at least I know I have a future in Lithuania as an Elvis impersonator.

Things are generally content in the G household but I do have a few things I need to get off my chest. First of all the good news: I am checked in for the Aussie Millions. Crown is kindly going to allow me to bring a dog as a mascot for the $100k buy-in Aussie Millions event later this week.

The problem is whether I am going to send Zasko business class from New Zealand or whether it may be simpler to use one of his impeccably bred family that I use to guard my properties in Australia.

The aim, my dog will tilt my opponents – there will be a double bark every time Durrrr raises a pot. My dog will think it’s lunch and gourmet burger time every time Howard Lederer comes into vision, not bow to Jesus Ferguson and show more teeth in his mouth than Mike Matusow. More importantly man’s best friend will run back to his kennel when his owner tells him too.

International players are trying to invade my territory

There will be no cocked leg, despite the fact that these international poker players are trying to invade my territory. If action is required or an executive decision needs to be taken my faithful and gladiatorial German Shepherd will be there for me. Whatever you do, do not touch my blinds.

One thing I do know is that Tony G bred canines take no poker diva nonsense. When I shout Mariah Carey – the full force of the German Shepherd comes into play. One man who ought to watch out is Patrik Antonius. I love Patrik, he’s better looking and a better player than me but a couple of nights back I was a little tired and emotional and started banging on the super VIP room door like a gorilla – I had my Lithuanian army with me.

There I see Patrik complaining to his private waiter that his chicken breast wasn’t big enough and sending it back. Zasko is the same Patrik, if he doesn’t have the finest Wagyu and Evian water in his bowl he can get grumpy but he doesn’t take it out on my staff.

Moan number two – Isildur1. I offered $50k added prize money if he would agree to a rematch on PartyPoker.com. Don’t you think it is fair that we play home and away? I lost the away match but everyone is better at home. Alas the powers that be stop such freedom.

Isildur1 the new internet poker generation’s cavalier has lost his spirit and is going to turn into a boring staid and strictly controlled poker bore. Yawn! Also saw the way Viktor was unmasked at the PCA. Why the hell didn’t they get him to wear a mask, add some theatre. “Ladies and gentleman – here is Isildur1 who is who we all knew he was.”

Anyway, I have more to say but that’s it for now. I shouldn’t mood swing. Bring on the Aussie Millions!